The new year has definitely started out with a bang for most of us, not even just collectively, but in the personal lives of many of my own friends and family so much has been coming undone and leading to very clear endings and transitions in their lives. Myself personally, am also feeling and experiencing this and it’s not easy or fun by any means, but ultimately these moments do lead us more to our desired paths and lives.

A lot of what we are seeing right now is also coinciding with a rare and significant transit in our skies. On January 12th, we had a Saturn-Pluto conjunction, just days after a lunar eclipse in cancer. If you follow the astrological atmosphere at all, then you were probably anticipating the climate which these transits would bring as they have been building up to this moment over the past year. Even now, we are still in the midst of its energies. Has there been anything over the past few days or week that suddenly shifted, ended, or there was a break through of some kind, whether in thinking, feeling, or just life in general? There’s so much going on, so take it easy on yourself, tend to your needs, and roll with these waves.

A huge theme which I have been grappling with it seems over this time is the ability to let go in my relationships when another person isn’t willing to do the work to grow, change, or respect me in the sense of trying to push their problems and work onto me. This can happen in so many ways, whether it’s projection, blame and blame shifting, self-sabotage, playing small, scapegoating, as well as denying and blocking honest communication to work on aspects of accountability, responsibility, and problem solving.

The fact of the matter is, as much as we often hold out hope that others will change, the truth is that real change, especially areas such as the beliefs, behaviors and patterns of a person, are very difficult to change, and it only occurs if a person is truly ready and willing to accept that a change needs to be made, and usually there also needs to be a large enough motivating factor or reason to pursue such a change.

As much as we may want to believe that wanting a good and honest change within ourselves is enough to push us to do it and see it through, stopping and taking a look at yourself and your own bad habits or areas you know you can improve, as well as others in your life, you can quickly see it’s not that easy. Maybe there’s something you want to change in your life. Or maybe there’s someone you know who you wish would just change in that one way. Whether it’s family, friend, or relationship, don’t get stuck in wanting, hoping or expecting another person to change themselves in the ways that you may want or need.

Change is always a very personal choice, and true change will only ever occur when one is at a conscious point to realize this and feel a real motivation as to why it must be done.

Solstice Holistic

Currently in my own life, I know someone who is at the stage of knowing they need to change, and slowly acknowledging some of the ways in which they do need to change, but still struggling to connect to that next step, which is to actively work on and seek help to commit to that change. Whether it is through self help, changes in lifestyle, or actively finding a professional of some kind, these are just some of the pro-active ways which we can choose to approach problematic areas in our lives and commit to change. This individual is stuck in between the phase of acknowledging the problem but also wanting to push that problem onto others and instead choose distractions and external forces, in the expectation that this is what will bring about healing and change in their life.

When we are looking to actively change our own behaviors, beliefs, and patterns, the work will always primarily be within. Of course there can be external causes to our own problems; if you’re in a toxic environment, whether that be in the home, a job, or elsewhere, or have unhealthy relationships, of course it’s important to recognize these things and find a way to minimize or walk away from them.

But before one is ever at a point to usually go through that step, there needs to be that recognition, that moment of clarity that this is really, truly detrimental to your own life, wellbeing, and growth. When we come to that moment of clarity we usually also come to the moment of our motivating factor. The catalyst for why it is so important for us to change, to finally stop with what we have been doing or accepting.

Solstice Holistic

Some changes are easier than others. Some changes can take months, years of persistent effort and will always be an area where we need to be aware and consistent. An example of such an area can be sticking to a certain lifestyle like not consuming certain foods because you have health or medical problems, or choosing not to drink because you’re a recovering alcoholic.

No matter how big or small, the choices we make in our life will define and carve the paths which we take; shouldn’t we all want to strive towards our highest path? Even if this means through the struggle of growth and healing the accumulated pains, traumas, and patterns we’ve picked up along the way?

Growth takes time and awareness. It takes effort on our part to look at the patterns, behaviors and parts of us that are working against us; the outdated parts that served a function or role at one point in our lives, but now have become an unhealthy coping skill or form of self sabotage. When we are tending to those sensitive and wounded parts of ourselves, it’s never easy. It takes so much time and effort.

Sometimes it’s taking one step forward to take two steps back. Never feel like you failed in these moments; it all is a matter of so many circumstances and our own individual needs and limits at a time. The important part, is maintaining awareness and continuing each day with small steps and persistence. When we take this approach, change is inevitable. I hope you always choose to heal and grow, even if it’s the hardest choice you’ll ever make.